Beauty

I recently read an article in the magazine "Real Simple" (thanks Stacey!) in which six women write about what makes them feel beautiful. Their responses were refreshing and thought provoking - and really, the subject is timely for me as it's something that has entered my thoughts frequently over the past year. One woman wrote about being active every day. Another told the story of her husband who, just before passing at the age of 82 (and after 39 years of marriage), told her she had made him a happy man. His words made her feel beautiful.

So much has changed for me lately. My identity...the things I consider important...how I spend my time... Little did I know before starting this adventure, i.e. parenthood, that so too would my definition of beauty change as well. It had to. For if I wanted to continue feeling beautiful (at times), I had to reinvent what that meant. The ways in which I used to feel it now felt petty, and in some ways, unattainable. Pregnancy, child birth, and then 10 months of very interrupted sleep has taken its toll on this body. Pictures of my pre-pregnancy days remind me of this even when I don't want to be reminded. But in those pictures - no matter how radiant I appeared - there's something missing. I might have felt beauty, but I hadn't yet created it. I didn't know the beauty of a newborn's first cry. Nor how beautiful I would feel as, dressed in a hospital gown and sweaty from 15 hours of labor, I nursed my child for the first time. My body had helped bring her into this world, and now it was helping sustain her. THAT was beautiful.

Most days I spend at home, in not-so-flattering clothes, trying to remember what it felt like to wear heels and a nice outfit every day to work. But I pick my daughter up, hold her on my hip, and look into her soulful brown eyes - and I feel more beautiful than ever.